


The Beach House

by carpeziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, one direction - Freeform, ziam smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 14:36:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3573305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpeziam/pseuds/carpeziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“She said she didn’t want to be runner up to you anymore” Liam growled, his fingers digging into Zayn’s wrist.  “She didn’t want to be a widow to you and me.”  </i> </p><p>Zayn and Liam had always been close, but the outside world saw them as much more than best friends....turns out they were right.  But knowing it and dealing with it are two different things....</p><p>ft. a Gatsby style garden party that only Harry and Louis could throw.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beach House

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote much of this last week, before the latest drama with Zayn unfolded. You'll understand what I'm talking about when you read it!

“Howwwwwwwww” Niall asked, slumped over a bowl of Weetabix “are the two of you going to plan a party and finish this tour?  I’ve barely got enough time to finish my breakfast, let alone host the biggest bash of the year.”

Louis looked up from the list he was making and grinned.  “Just focus on your cereal and let me and Harold do the rest.  We didn’t buy a country house just for the peace and quiet you know!”

Niall shook his head and went back to his breakfast.  Early mornings treated each of the boys differently and most days when they woke up on the bus, it was just he, Louis and Harry around the table.  Lately, Niall would eat his breakfast while watching Louis add things to his ever growing party to-do list.  Harry was determined to read the newspaper in every city they visited, so he sat each morning with a cup of tea, battling the crossword and keeping abreast what was news wherever they happened to be.  

Liam spent his mornings working out – today he was outside with a tyre attached to a rope around his waist, running laps of the tour bus.  It made Niall exhausted just watching him.  Zayn was outside too, but was barely awake; coffee in hand, cigarette dangling from his lips, gently dozing in the morning sunshine.  Niall went to the window of the tour bus and knocked loudly, causing Zayn to jolt upright, coffee spilling all over the ground.  “Hey Malik, wake up son!  And get Payno in here too, we have interviews in an hour!”

Zayn flipped the bird at the window as he took one last drag on his cigarette, brushing the hair from his eyes as he looked over at Liam, onto lap six of the bus.  Liam had taken his work out regime very seriously this tour and he was dripping in sweat as he ground to a halt near where Zayn stood.  Zayn watched him as he undid the knot around his waist and lifted the bottom of his singlet to wipe his face, the veins in his arms throbbing as they pumped the blood through his biceps.

“Is that my singlet Li?”  Zayn asked as Liam followed him up the steps into the bus.  “Yup” Liam panted, “it was on the floor when I woke up this morning and I’d run out of clean things to wear.  Problem?”  Zayn shook his head and pushed Liam through the door.  The two of them always over packed for every tour and ended up wearing each other’s things constantly anyway.

Liam jumped into the cramped shower as Zayn scrolled through the text messages he’d received overnight.  His mum had sent him a progress update on the renovations on their garden, complete with a photo of his dad planting roses in the freshly dug garden bed.  Zayn grinned and quickly sent back a selfie of himself with his thumbs up; he loved to see them enjoying the house he’d bought for them and he knew his mum loved to see his face every now and again in pictures that weren’t splashed across the television. 

Perrie had sent him a text too, telling him how much she loved him and asking him to look after Liam. Confused, he yelled out at Harry, who was fussing with his outfit in the mirror.  “Why would Perrie be telling me to look after Liam, Haz?  Has something happened?”  Harry looked over and shrugged.  “What does the message say?”  Zayn looked down and read.                  

_P: Love u baby boy.  Take special care of Liam now, tho I know u will xxxxxoo_

“I’ve got no idea, but I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough” Harry replied, concern crossing his face as Liam appeared from the bathroom; towel slung low around his hips, and silently walked past them into the bunk room to get changed.

\--o--

The day ahead was a crazy one; two television interviews to promote the rest of the tour and then an hour of recording promos for radio stations around the world.  When they arrived at the studio, Zayn and Liam’s interview outfits were laid out next to each other, their names stuck to the mirror that ran around the dressing room. 

“We’re going to looking fuckin’ ridiculous” Liam grumbled, upon seeing that he and Zayn were both due to wear white shirts and matching ripped denim jeans, Zayn’s in black, his in pale blue.   Zayn looked up from where he was sitting unlacing his shoes. 

“You alright Leeyum?” he asked, reaching his hand up and grabbing Liam’s forearm.  “Fine,” Liam snapped, pulling his arm away from Zayn’s touch, “just sick of never getting to decide anything for myself.”

Ever since the boys had been thrown together so many years ago, Zayn and Liam had been the best of friends.  For most of their adult lives, the five of them felt like they were always in fast forward, constantly moving with no idea of where they were going or what was going to happen next.  Somehow, in the middle of the storm, Zayn and Liam had settled into a quiet routine that calmed them both.  They knew what to say to one another to make each other laugh and were developing a shared taste in new music.   Even after they’d both settled into long term relationships, they still put each other first; Sophia and Perrie knew they were lucky to take second place.

Liam quickly changed his outfit and walked out of the room, avoiding eye contact with Zayn and pulling the door shut behind him.

\--o--

“Louis, we’re not having a bouncy castle.”  Harry hissed, trying to be quiet but failing miserably as the microphones were set up around the five of them and a makeup artist flitted about with a large powder puff.  “We’re having a classy ‘do, not some kids’ party straight out of Richie Rich!”  Louis laughed, his eyes sparkling as he high-fived Niall. 

“Harold, do you _honestly_ think I’d hire a bouncy castle?  I just wanted to see you spin out a little bit!”

Niall and Zayn cackled as Harry lunged for Louis, the two of them play fighting until the interviewer took his place and they were ready to roll.

“Well here I am with the band of the moment, One Direction!  Lovely to have you here lads.  Liam, might I start with you and the news that’s broken overnight that you’ve ended your relationship with Sophia Smith.  Do you have any comment to make?”

In front of the boys, behind the camera, staff appeared from all directions ready to shut the interview down.  Niall looked wide eyed at Zayn and was greeted with a look just as surprised as his own.   Liam took a deep breath and before anybody could step in and stop him, answered the question.

“The reports are correct; Sophia and I have decided to move on separately from one another.  I value her friendship highly and I have no further comment to make at this time.”

The rest of the interview and the one following passed in a blur.  The boys answered question after question about touring, life on the road and each other’s quirks, but nobody was concentrating. Thank god they’d been through enough interviews that answering without thinking had become second nature.  Finally they were released from the studio and they crowded into the dressing room, Harry shutting the door behind them. 

Liam stood at the mirror, unbuttoning his shirt while the boys fired questions at him, speaking on top of each other and finishing each other’s sentences.  How?  Why?  When? Why? Why? Why!

“She ended it lads.”  Liam sat down on the chair in front of his mirror and put his hands on his knees. “Last night.  Rang me after the show and said she didn’t want to be a widow anymore.”

Louis moved to Liam’s side and hugged him awkwardly, getting his head more than anything else.  “A widow to what Li?”  He asked, sitting on the bench next to Liam.  Liam looked up dejectedly “The tour I guess – I’m always away and I ‘spose she’s over it.”

Zayn stood at the back of the room, arms folded across his chest.  Suddenly Perrie’s text made much more sense to him. “Leeyum, you’re going to fight for her though, right?  You’re gonna go home and get her back?”

Liam looked over and as he locked eyes with Zayn, Zayn immediately knew that the answer was no.  Warmth spread throughout his chest, his stomach flipping as Liam broke his gaze and looked back at his shoes. Sensing the change of vibe in the room, Harry piped up, suggesting they finish up their commitments for the day, check into the hotel and then hit the town to burn off some energy.

\--o--

The boys packed up and were leaving the room when Liam grabbed Zayn’s arm roughly, holding him back.  Zayn turned to look at him as the others headed down the corridor towards the bus.  “You ok Li?” Zayn asked as Liam pulled him sharply until they were standing face to face. 

“She said she didn’t want to be runner up to you anymore” Liam growled, his fingers digging into Zayn’s wrist.  “She didn’t want to be a widow to you and me.”  Zayn was confused; he could see the anger in his best friend’s eyes but he didn’t understand what Liam was saying.  “I don’t know what that means Leeyum” he whispered, praying it wouldn’t make Liam angrier.

“It means she thinks we’re a couple Zayn.  She thinks we’re having an affair behind hers and Perrie’s backs, so she’s left me.”

Zayn exhaled, putting his hand on Liam’s shoulder.  They were close, no doubt about it, but they weren’t having an affair.  Liam rested his forehead on Zayn’s and his anger disappeared.  “I tried to tell her it wasn’t true, but she wouldn’t believe me.  She said she could see it in us every time she saw us together.”

They stood there silently, faces touching until Zayn whispered “I don’t know what to say man.  We know we haven’t done anything.  Neither of us would do that…right?”  They didn’t move.  “I don’t know anymore.”  Liam sighed, before lightly touching Zayn’s lips with his own.  “Maybe we would.”  Zayn felt like he’d had his body taken over by somebody else.  Without thinking he kissed back, his tongue gently licking Liam’s lips as he squeezed his shoulder.

“Fuck!” Liam exclaimed, stepping back from Zayn.  “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”  Zayn nodded in agreement.  Nothing more needed to be said really.  They gathered up their stuff and left the room, piling onto the bus as if nothing had happened.

\--o--

“How about a bonfire for the party?” Harry absentmindedly asked the next morning as he skimmed the paper, Sophia’s face splashed across pages 6 and 7 looking miserable as she left her flat.  “How about you put that away before anybody else sees it and we end up in a bigger mess than the one we’re already in?” Louis suggested, taking a bottle of water from the fridge and clamping a hand on Harry’s shoulder.  “Come back to bed for a bit, I feel rubbish and you always make me feel better.”

Harry grinned as he folded up his paper and tucked it under his arm.  “How did I end up the most sober last night?  That never happens!”  Louis kissed him gently before crawling back into bed.  “You can tell me what happened, I can’t remember much after Liam bought that second round of shots.”  Harry clenched his teeth and raised his eyebrows. “Do you remember Zaynie and Li having a snog at the club?”  Louis rolled over and cupped his head in his hand.  “Harry!” He half whispered, half yelled, “DO I LOOK LIKE I REMEMBER THAT?  TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!”

Harry climbed in beside his love and put Louis’ head on his chest, stroking his hair as he filled him in on the missing pieces. 

“After we had that second round of shots, Perrie rang Zayn, so he went outside to have a smoke and talk to her – out on that private balcony they had roped off for us yeah.  While he was gone, Li just stared through the window, like Zayn was an exhibit at the zoo.  I dunno where you’d gone Lou, probably to the gents I ‘spose.  It was jus’ the three of us, so Nialler and I ordered another round of shots and then espresso martinis, hoping that’d cheer poor old Li up a bit.” 

“Ugggggggggh” Louis moaned “I remember drinking those now.  They’re my poison Haz, you know that! No wonder I feel so bad.”

Harry nodded.  “I know, but I like to get you drunk sometimes so I can have my way with you.”  Louis laughed softly “you can always have your way with me you goose!  Now get on with the story.”

“So you came back and then Zayn came back inside and we finished off those drinks and then more drinks appeared, I don’t even remember how, but we had those too and by that stage Li was drunk.  Not quite as drunk as that night we were in Hong Kong and he sang _End of the Road_ at that tiny karaoke bar, but almost.”  Louis laughed, remembering the night Harry was talking about, which ended in Niall piggybacking Liam up the corridor of the hotel because he wanted to nap in the elevator instead of going to his own bed.

“Can you get to the good bit please?  How did they end up snogging?”

“Of course he did” Louis interjected dryly.

“Yes, thank you, so that left you and I, and Zaynie and Li.  And, well, you’d had two espresso martinis and shots and so I took full advantage…and left the two of them to hang out together.  Half an hour later, I looked over and there they were, making out.”

Louis lay back on his own pillow and sighed.  “So you don’t know how it happened or what led up to it?”  Harry shook his head.  “Nup.  All I know is that you get _very_ handsy when you’re drunk Lou.  And I enjoy it”

“One of these days I’m going to kill you Harold Styles.  I swear to god.”

\--o--

Zayn remembered what happened last night.  Every time he closed his eyes and tried to sleep he could see it, feel it, taste it.  As he lay in his hotel room the next morning, hungover and exhausted, his mind was working in overdrive, trying to process everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. 

On the phone out on the balcony, Perrie told Zayn that she’d met up with Sophia for coffee during the day and they’d talked about why she’d left Liam.  Zayn held his breath, waiting to hear if what Liam had told him was true. 

“Zaynie, she thinks you and Leeyum are having an affair.  I told her she was mad!  She’s mad…right?”

Zayn swallowed.  “Babe, of course we’re not having an affair.  I have you!  And Liam…. well he thought he had Sophia.  We’re just mates; she’s got it all wrong.”

Zayn cradled the phone between his cheek and his shoulder as he lit another cigarette.  He could see Liam staring at him from inside and a familiar warm glow filled his chest.  With a shiver, he turned his back to the window so he could finish talking to Perrie without being distracted.  She was still talking at the other end of the line.

“….. and I mean, I’ve seen the way you two muck around and the way you look at each other on stage, but I just figured it’s all for show; giving the girls what they want, y’know!  Anyway, I told her that I thought she had it wrong, but she wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Pez, she does have it wrong.  Listen babe, I should really go and stop Liam before he drinks anymore.   He’s getting very messy inside and Haz has just brought more shots back from the bar.  But I love you; you don’t need to worry about a thing.”

As Zayn hung up the phone, a tiny voice inside of him wondered if maybe she _did_ have something to be worried about.  Granted, Liam was his best friend, but how often do best friends ever kiss each other for no reason?  And why couldn’t he get the thought of Liam’s lips out of his mind?

Zayn re-joined the lads just as Louis was handing around espresso martinis. “Harold, I am going to regret this tomorrow, just you wait and see!”  Zayn laughed and he was glad to see a smile pass Liam’s face too, the first all day.  As they drank, Niall pointed out the girls at the bar he’d just met and the one in particular that took his fancy. 

Twenty minutes later, Niall was off with the leggy brunette and Harry had taken Louis to the sofa in the darkest corner of the room.  It was just Liam and Zayn left. 

“What did Pez say?” Liam slurred, sliding across the lounge so he was sitting next to Zayn.

“Exactly what you told me Sophia said to you, Li.  She asked me if we were having an affair.”

Liam dropped his head.  “What did you tell her?”

Looking at Liam when he was obviously upset tore at Zayn’s insides.  He touched Liam’s cheek softly and tried to reassure him. “I told her we weren’t having an affair.  I told her she had nothing to worry about.”

Liam put his own hand over Zayn’s, his fingers curling around Zayn’s as they cupped his cheek.  “ _Does_ she have something worry about…?”

\--o--

Working out had become Liam’s ultimate hangover cure and that morning he’d chosen the hotel pool instead of the gym.  The water was icy cold when he dived in, waking him up and jolting him into reality.  As he churned up and down the pool, images of last night flashed through his head, making his cock stiffen in his board shorts. 

“I don’t know anymore Leeyum.” Zayn had breathed into his ear before he pulled his face close to Liam’s and kissed him, sucking his bottom lip and letting his fingers trail along the sides of Liam’s neck.  Greedily, fuelled by the drink and by the slow burning passion neither of them realised existed, Liam kissed him back, grabbing at Zayn’s shirt, pulling him ever closer. 

They sat on the couch, legs intertwined as they kissed each other. Their desperate, needy kisses had bubbled up from a place neither of them had seen coming, even if others knew it was there all along.  Before they could take things any further, Niall had a hand on each of their shoulders and was pulling them apart. 

“Woah woah woah, how about we take this back to the hotel lads?   Probably don’t need to be carrying on like that in front of people we don’t know huh?”

Niall gathered up his four band mates and threw them all in a cab.  Nobody spoke, but the silence was punctuated by Louis’ snores, his cheek pressed up against the window.  Liam kept his hand against Zayn’s thigh as Zayn stroked the back of Liam’s neck when he didn’t think the boys were watching. 

When they got back to the hotel, Niall took the two of them aside.  “Lads, be careful.  Look after each other yeah? Don’t do anything you’re going to regret in the morning.”  Zayn nodded, slinging an arm around Niall as they walked up the corridor.

After Niall had unlocked his room and said his goodbyes, Zayn turned to face Liam, standing against the wall in the corridor, hands in his pockets. 

“Leeyum, what are we doing?  This isn’t us.  This isn’t who we are.”

Zayn’s hair fell over his eye as he spoke and it took everything Liam had not to reach out and touch it.  All he could think about was having Zayn’s tongue in his mouth again and he shifted uncomfortably as he grew hard picturing it.

“Leeyum, are you listening to me?”

“mmmmmmmmmmm yes.  Go to bed Zee.  Pretend it never happened.”

Liam unlocked his door and walked into the darkness.  Unbuttoning his jeans he slid his hand over his cock and rubbed until he came, shocked at how quickly it happened.  He staggered to the bathroom to clean himself up and get ready for bed.  As he brushed his teeth he stared at himself in the mirror.  What the fuck had he got himself into? 

And why the hell hadn’t anybody thought to tell him that he was in love with Zayn?

\--o--

“Mini bowls of nachos.” Niall suggested a couple of weeks later, buckling himself into his seat.  “No” Harry replied.  “Fairy floss?” Zayn said, plonking into the seat next to Liam.  “No.” Louis said, pulling a blanket down from the overhead locker.  “Burritos then” Liam added as he kicked off his shoes and yanked his sweatshirt over his head.

“Oh seriously, what is wrong with you three?”  Louis sighed, exasperated.  “We’re having a party, not a carnival!”

The boys were headed back home after seven weeks on the road.  Liam was thankful.  Since the night at the club, he and Zayn hadn’t spoken about what had happened between them.  Liam had kept his head down, dealing with the fallout from the breakup.  

Even though they were ignoring the obvious, Zayn had been the best friend he could have hoped for; cheering him up, listening when he needed to rant and always having a new movie or TV show to distract him with.  But there was an elephant that had appeared in the room and all the boys knew it.  Problem was, there were only two people that could deal with it and neither seemed ready just yet. 

Zayn settled into his seat and pulled out his headphones.  Automatically he offered the right earphone to Liam, who accepted, their fingertips brushing as he took it.  A slow smile spread across Zayn’s face as he scrolled the wheel on his iPod and picked a new album for them to listen to on the flight. He bit his lip to stop the grin, but it was too late.

“What are you smirking at?” Liam asked, pushing the arm rest up between their seats.  Zayn shook his head as he settled into Liam’s side, feeling the familiar comfort of Liam’s arm wrapping around him, pulling his head into his chest.  “Nothing” Zayn replied.  “Tell me what you think of this track.” 

Four hours later, Zayn was fast asleep and Liam’s arm had gone dead.  Gently he lifted his arm up and moved it off Zayn, trying not to disturb him from his sleep.  Zayn stirred and sleepily clutched Liam’s shirt.  “Don’t go.” he mumbled. Liam put his hand on Zayn’s head and stroked his hair gently until he felt Zayn slip back into sleep on his chest. 

It was all well and good for Zayn to tell him not to go; he wasn’t the one being woken up in the middle of the night when his vivid dreams made him so aroused he had to wank off to get relief. 

\--o--

The thing that Liam didn’t know was that Zayn _was_ being woken up in the middle of the night.  Every night when he’d go to bed, he’d close his eyes and imagine Perrie next to him, but when he’d sleep, every night without fail it was Liam who crept into his dreams.  Over and over he dreamt that Liam unlocked the door to his room while he slept, crawled into his bed and slowly took him in his mouth.  It was enough to wake him, drenched in sweat, cock heaving under the sheets.

As it happened, sleeping on the plane turned out to be no different than sleeping in his bed.  Zayn woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in his seat, his hand still grabbing at Liam’s shirt.  The cabin lights were out so Liam reached for Zayn and pulled him back, his lips getting caught in Zayn’s hair as he whispered.  “It’s ok, relax. You must have had a bad dream.”

Zayn could feel his cock harden and stretch against his sweatpants.  Sliding low into his seat, he pulled Liam close to him and kissed him, his tongue pushing urgently into Liam’s mouth.  “What are you doing?” Liam asked as Zayn slid his hand down Liam’s chest and over his pants, feeling him stiffen under his touch. “I don’t know Leeyum, but I need you.  Get a blanket down.”

Liam quietly stood up and pulled a blanket down from the locker.  Sitting back down, he threw it over them just in time, because Zayn was clawing at his waistband, desperate to touch him.  “What about Perrie?” Liam whispered as Zayn kissed his neck.  “Leeyum, can we talk later?  Please.”

He gave in, kissing Zayn back as he undid the drawstrings on Zayn’s sweats.  He slid his hand into Zayn’s boxers and felt him, hard and thick and growing steadily under his hand.  Liam moaned into Zayn’s ear as Zayn pulled on him, their elbows knocking as they touched each other.  He could hear Zayn’s breathing shorten and he gasped as Liam thumbed the tip of his cock, fingers wet with his precome.  “Don’t stop” Zayn begged as he pulled Liam tighter, bringing him right to the edge.  Liam couldn’t wait anymore and he came, biting into Zayn’s shoulder to stop himself from screaming.  The pain of the teeth in his shoulder rocketed through Zayn and he let himself go, shuddering with a silent moan that only Liam could feel.   

They sat there breathless, sticky and hot, not daring to look at each other.  Finally Liam got up.  “I’m going to clean up.  Tomorrow, we deal with this.”  Zayn nodded, his eyes still glazed after what had just happened.

\--o--

There were a lot of press at the airport when they arrived.  A lot.  Niall and Louis made their way through first with Harry, Zayn and Liam following behind.  As Harry pushed the doors through from Customs open, a thousand flashbulbs lit up in their faces, some pointed at them, and some pointed at a group of people standing behind the barricade.

When Liam’s eyes adjusted to the bright lights, he could see Perrie standing in front of them with a homemade sign, like a scene from a movie.  He watched as Zayn made his way over to her.  WELCOME HOME BABY it read, the words surrounded by a set of red lips, awfully similar to the ones tattooed on his chest.  Liam felt sick.  He knew what they’d done only a few hours before and he was certain that Zayn was as into it as he was. 

Liam slipped away before the other boys could catch him, loading his bags into the car waiting for him and zooming off on the motorway.  Away from Zayn, away from Perrie, away from them all.

\--o--

Zayn could see her blonde hair shining from the second Harry opened the doors.  He waited for the butterflies to hit his stomach, but nothing came.  All Zayn felt was tired, hungry and in need of a shower.  Normally they reunited at his house after he’d had a chance to unpack, spending days and nights in bed, making up for lost time.  Normally, it didn’t happen like this, a forced welcome in front of a hungry press pack.

He could feel the surge of the media as he pushed his trolley over towards where Perrie and her sign stood.  Throwing the cardboard to the ground and wrapping her arms around him she whispered “are you surprised?  I wanted to surprise you Zaynie!”  He most certainly was surprised and knowing he was on full display, he took Perrie’s rosy cheeks in his ring covered hands and kissed her gently, rubbing his nose on hers.

“Zayn! Zayn!” the journalists yelled as he pulled Perrie under the barrier and they walked hand in hand to the car.  “Zayn, how’s Liam doing?  Any truth to the rumour that he spent the rest of your tour binge drinking and partying?”

Zayn stopped for a split second to answer. “He’s ok lads, nothin’ more to say.”

That was the truth; Zayn didn’t know what else he could say. He turned and waved at Niall and Louis who were taking one for the team, signing autographs and posing for pictures and headed towards the exit, nodding at Harry gently as he answered a few questions for the press.  Zayn searched the sea of faces for Liam, but he was nowhere to be found.  His stomach lurched at the thought of him going home alone to an empty house, but there was little he could do; Perrie was talking non-stop in his ear and he knew he wasn’t going anywhere for a while.  Their conversation would have to wait.

On the ride home, as Perrie filled Zayn in on the week she’d spent in the recording studio, he quickly typed a message to Liam.

_Z: Are you at home?  I didn’t see you leave the airport._

The reply came back almost instantaneously. 

 _L:_ _Yup.  Knew you’d want to be with Pez so I got out of there._

Perrie talked on and on and Zayn couldn’t focus.  All he could think of was Liam, alone in his flat, alone.  Alone. 

_Z: I’m coming round.  Don’t move._

\--o--

 

“Tell me you’re joking Zaynie?” Perrie snapped as he threw the contents of his suitcase in the laundry room and went back to the bedroom to find some clean clothes.  “You just spent seven weeks with him, and now you’re goin’ round there _tonight_?”  Zayn nodded, mumbling “he’s home alone Pez, I don’t feel right leavin’ him there.”  Without waiting for her response, he walked to the bathroom and shut the door. 

When Zayn got out of the shower, she was gone.

\--o--

 

Liam opened the door to Zayn in black sweat pants and nothing else.  He didn’t give a fuck anymore what people thought or how anybody felt or if 50 paps were outside his front door.  “Thank god you brought food, Malik” Liam said, shutting the door and eying off the Chinese food in the bags in Zayn’s hands, “all that’s in this house is beer.” 

As he stood in the hall, Zayn let his eyes wander over Liam’s bare chest, instinctively biting the corner of his bottom lip.  “Nice to see you dressed up for me” he smirked, wandering off towards the kitchen.    

Zayn sat himself down at the kitchen bench as Liam found bowls and forks for their food.  Passing Zayn a beer and opening another for himself, he said “so she was gone when you got out of the bathroom hey?  What exactly did you expect her to do man?  Soph tells her we’re having it off and the first chance you get alone with her; you tell her you’re comin’ around here.”

He chugged the beer slowly, watching Liam move about the kitchen.  “Dunno man,” he finally replied, “jus’ wanted to come round.  She’ll be alright.”  Liam raised his eyebrows but said nothing, sitting at the bench and handing Zayn a fork.

The boys ate in silence until Liam broke the ice. 

“She did the right thing you know.  Sophia.  Ending it.”

Zayn looked down.  He didn’t know if he was ready to have this conversation.  Finishing his beer, he went to the fridge and pulled out another.  Opening it, he asked “why was it the right thing Leeyum?”

“Because I didn’t love her.  I just didn’t realise that until after she did it.  Zayn I’m not sad about it, I don’t feel anything.”

Zayn’s stomach did a tumble turn, the way he’d expected it to do when he walked through the doors at the airport and saw Perrie.  He definitely wasn’t ready to deal with this.  “I’m goin’ outside to smoke.  Want to put a movie on?”

Liam had settled on the sofa when Zayn came back inside.  He stood in the middle of the lounge, frozen to the spot.  Normally… if things were _normal_ , he’d sit next to Liam and they’d settle in next to each other to watch the film.  But things weren’t normal and Zayn was confused.  Should he sit on the floor?  In the armchair? 

His face gave away his anxiety and Liam put him out of his misery.  “Are you planning on standing there all night?  Just sit here for god’s sake.  It’s alright.”  He sat down and Liam put his arm around him.  It was just second nature; he was always protecting him, looking out for him.  Zayn had always just seen it as the sign of a great friend, but now.  Well now, everything had changed.

\--o--

 

Liam hated the first hour after he got home from a tour.  He had piles of dirty laundry and the house smelt after being shut up for too long and he was always jetlagged and groggy.  Today, coming home was even worse, because he was alone.  The house was eerily empty; normally he’d have Sophia with him to fill up the space, but today there was nothing. 

He set his iPod into the speaker dock and scrolled through until he found the right album to get his unpacking done.  It was an album Zayn had…. no, change of plans.  He picked an old album he’d loved since he was a teenager.  No more Zayn.  Zayn had gone home to his life and to his Perrie and Liam needed to push on and ignore the whispers in at the back of his mind.

He was mid-way through sorting the suitcase into washing loads when his phone buzzed on the dresser. 

_Z: Are you at home?  I didn’t see you leave the airport._

“Don’t think.”  He told himself.  “Just reply.”  He texted back a quick response, threw the phone aside and got on with what he was doing, fighting with his mind to not think about why Zayn would be texting him when he should have been all over Perrie making up for lost time. 

When his last load of washing was ready for the machine, Liam undressed and threw the clothes he was wearing into the wash.  After a long shower, he pulled on his sweat pants and looked at his phone.  Zayn was coming over?  He looked when the last message was sent….. too late to tell him not to bother. 

The doorbell rang not long after.  Liam wished he could have taken a photo of the sight in front of him when he opened the door.  Zayn was in a cut off black t-shirt, his arms weighed down with food, hair all over his face.  He looked as tired as Liam felt, but twenty times as good.  As he let him in, he could feel Zayn’s eyes running over him.  “Not like a friend” he thought to himself, as he watched Zayn walk down his hallway like he lived there.

Liam could see Zayn was on edge as they ate, and that talking about Sophia made him uncomfortable.  He cleaned up the kitchen as Zayn went outside to smoke.  Watching him through the window, he could see the man he knew so well; one hand running through his hair as the other flicked ash onto the pavers.  Liam’s heart began to pound; flashbacks of the plane ride home kept playing in his mind and he knew they had to talk things through.

When he came inside, Liam watched as Zayn shuffled from foot to foot, trying to work out where to sit.  Enough was enough.  “Are you planning on standing there all night?  Just sit here for god’s sake.  It’s alright.”  He said, drawing Zayn in when he sat next to him. 

\--o--

 

“What the hell happened on the plane?” Liam asked gently, not willing to keep quiet anymore.  Zayn went to get up but Liam held him close.  “No Zayn, no more running.”  Zayn pulled a cushion off the lounge and put it over his face, too scared to look at Liam. “……. can’t……..thinkin’…….do.”  Liam grabbed it and threw it across the room.  “Zayn!”

Zayn looked at Liam and took a deep breath.  “Leeyum I can’t stop thinkin’ about you.  I don’t know what to do.  The plane…. what happened on the plane has been happening in my dreams over and over since that night at the club.”  He tipped his head back and rested it on the sofa, rubbing his fingers into his eyes.  “But Perrie, Li.  I have Perrie and I have you and….. and I have no idea.”

“If it makes it any better” Liam said, heart in his mouth, “I have no idea either.  But you’re here.  Not with Perrie.”

“I know.  Can we jus’ watch the movie please?”

Liam hit play on the remote and curled his feet underneath himself.  As the opening credits rolled, Zayn rested his head on Liam’s shoulder, his hand gently stroking his chest.  Liam felt Zayn sigh comfortably as he relaxed, but the feeling of his fingertips on his skin was making him hard.  “I’m just goin’ to get a shirt” he said, making a move to get up.  Zayn put his hand flat on Liam’s chest.  “No.  Don’t.”

“Don’t?” Liam said incredulously, Zayn’s hand planted firm over his heart.  “You heard me” Zayn mumbled, eyes focused on the TV.  Liam traced around Zayn’s fingers before lifting his hand and taking it to his lips.  Kissing his fingers gently, Liam asked “you want me to stay here like this?” Zayn nodded, slipping his index finger inside Liam’s mouth, thumb brushing the underside of his chin.

Liam sucked gently on Zayn’s finger and watched his best friend close his eyes and begin to grind his hips into the sofa, mouth slightly open.  He stopped for a moment and took Zayn’s fingers in his hand.  “Zayn what do you want from me?” “Dunno.” Zayn replied, running his finger along Liam’s bottom lip.  “Well then,” Liam said, pushing Zayn’s hands away from him, “let’s just watch the movie then.”

“Ugggggggggggggggh,” Zayn growled, putting his hands back on Liam’s skin, “jus’ kiss me Leeyum.”  “Sorry?” Liam asked, beginning to enjoy watching what was happening before him, “You want me to what?”

Zayn got himself off the sofa and straddled Liam before he could do anything to stop it.  “I said I wanted you to kiss me” he whispered into Liam’s mouth, kissing him hard, his tongue slipping between Liam’s lips. 

Liam didn’t know what to do with his hands.  He wanted to rip at Zayn’s shirt and drag his fingers over his chest, but he couldn’t…. he was afraid of what might happen if he did.  It felt so natural to be kissing Zayn, but completely foreign all at the same time.  Gently, he placed his hands on Zayn’s hips and immediately he felt him respond, pushing into his crotch as he bit down on Liam’s lip. 

Zayn moaned as Liam grabbed him harder, slamming their hips together and grinding hard into him.  “Suck me Li” he mumbled, his fingers digging into Liam’s shoulders.  Liam wasn’t sure if he’d heard him properly.  This was seriously new territory for them both.  He took his hands from Zayn’s hips and moved them to his face, stubble pricking at Liam’s fingers. 

“Seriously?” Liam asked, rubbing his nose against Zayn’s.  Zayn looked at him, long eyelashes framing his eyes as he nodded, smiling gently.  “Yeah.  I….. I want you.”  Liam knew they were getting in far deeper than he ever thought possible, but he was powerless to say no.  He kissed Zayn, pulling his face closer to him, trying to tell him everything he couldn’t say to him in words.

He pushed Zayn off his lap and slid him onto the couch.  He’d always been so much stronger, so much bigger than Zayn, and moving him was easy.  This was all new to Liam; normally he was the one sitting, watching, waiting.  But tonight, he felt Zayn’s gaze on him as he dropped to his knees and fumbled with the buttons on his jeans.  Zayn’s fingers covered his as he helped him unbutton and Liam couldn’t help but moan as he slid his jeans down and ran a finger over Zayn’s cock, already so hard through the thin fabric of his pants.

“Oh god please.” Zayn whispered in a tiny voice as Liam tucked his index finger under the waistband of his pants, pulling them down and freeing Zayn’s cock.  Liam could feel himself getting hard as he took Zayn in his hand and stroked gently, feeling his length thicken under his touch. 

He looked up at Zayn’s face as he took him in his mouth, relaxed and peaceful… until he began to do everything to Zayn which he loved having done to himself so much.  Zayn lifted his arms in the air and opened his mouth wide as Liam flicked his tongue over his tip, swirling at his slit, precome hitting his lips.  Twisting his tongue over his length, he pulled at Zayn’s hips, pulling all of him into his mouth.  Zayn grunted and Liam couldn’t help but grin at the reaction his mouth was having.  He felt Zayn’s fingers twist into his hair as he began to dictate Liam’s pace.  Liam’s own cock was throbbing as he dragged his lips across Zayn, keeping the pressure strong as Zayn began to whimper. 

“Oh Leeyum oh god, oh god, oh, ah….”  Zayn’s fingers curled around Liam’s shoulders as he came, hot and bitter in his mouth.  He swallowed and dropped back, sitting on the floor, leaning against the coffee table catching his breath.  “You ok Li?” Zayn asked, peeking through his hair which had fallen all over his face.  “Mmmmmmmmm’yeah” Liam replied, wiped out by what had just happened but still so hard himself.    

He got up and sat next to Zayn on the sofa, kissing his cheek before laying his head back on the edge of the lounge.    He closed his eyes, blood pulsing through his veins as he felt Zayn untie the drawstrings on his sweats and slip his fingers into his briefs.  Silently, Zayn rubbed him until he came, making them both wet and sticky and drawing a lazy grin from Zayn, still dazed from the power of the orgasm he’d had minutes before.

Neither of them knew what to say.  They went to the bathroom and cleaned up in silence, Zayn planting a tiny kiss on Liam’s shoulder blade.  As they walked back to the lounge, Zayn said “I should go.  I need to, I have to…  fuck, I need to think for a while.”   All Liam wanted to do was lie down and sleep, so he nodded and walked Zayn to the front door.

“See you at rehearsal?” Liam asked as he unlocked the door.  Zayn nodded and kissed him gently.  “It’ll be alright Leeyum.  I’ll….. I’ll work it out.”  Liam kissed him back and opened the door, Zayn disappearing into the dark night. 

\--o--

 

Liam was running late to the first rehearsal of the week.  He skidded into the studio and was greeted by only Harry and Niall.  “How are we lads?” he panted, dropping his bag on the ground.  “I thought I was late, but Lou and Zee are makin’ me look punctual!”

Niall jerked his thumb in the direction of the mixing booth.  “You are late, they’re in there.  ‘Bin talkin’ for close to half an hour, haven’t they Haz?” Harry was lying on the floor with his feet up against the wall.  “Yup, and I’m so bored from all this alone time with Niall that I’m very glad you’re here finally Li.”

As Niall flicked the contents of his water bottle in Harry’s direction, Liam waved at Louis and Zayn in the mixing booth.  Lou raised his hand up and waved at the exact same time as Zayn’s head dropped, hands running through his hair.  Liam realised they were talking about him.  He lay down next to Harry and joined him with his feet in the air.

“What exactly are we doing down here Haz?”  He asked, realising how stupid they looked.   “I dunno? Killing time until those men of ours get out of there?”  Liam turned his head and looked at Harry, the surprised look on his face giving him away.  “It’s alright Li.  It wasn’t just Niall that saw you that night in the club, I did too.  It’s alright.”   Harry put a reassuring hand over Liam’s and smiled at him. 

“s’not alright Haz.  Nothing’s happening, nothing to see here.  Don’t worry ‘bout it.” 

They both knew he was lying, but Harry let him be.  He’d been there, gone through it himself when Louis left Eleanor.  He got it.   

\--o--

 

Zayn was the first one to rehearsal.  That almost never happened, but sleeping was impossible for him lately and he hoped that being around the lads and all the equipment would chill him out a bit.  He sat in the mixing booth, flicking through the pages of charts and lyrics he needed to learn before they started recording the new album, but he couldn’t focus.  He and Perrie had had another row last night and she’d left his flat pretty mad.  He just couldn’t find a way to convince her that Liam was just his friend.  Truth be told, he couldn’t find a way to convince himself of that either. 

The door of the booth creaked open and Louis face appeared.  “Alright Malik?” he asked, coming in and closing the door behind him.  “Me and Haz have been out there five minutes and you didn’t notice us.  You’re a million miles away lad.”  Zayn looked up and smiled.  Louis out of anybody would know what he was going through.  He’d walked away from Eleanor almost a year ago now when he realised he had feelings for Harry and they hadn’t looked back since.  It hadn’t been easy, but Lou had survived.  If he could, Zayn could, surely. 

“How’d you know, Lou?”  He asked nervously.

“How’d I know what Zaynie?”

“Know you weren’t meant to be with Eleanor.  How’d you…. How’d you realise that Haz was more than a friend?”

Louis sat down and watched Niall bounce through the door and grab Harry in a headlock.  “Fuck Zayn, big question.  Are we just having a general chat here?”

Zayn shook his head.  “Nup.  I dunno if Niall told you ‘bout what he saw in the club, but…” 

“He didn’t, you know he’s not a gossip.” Louis interrupted “…. But Harry saw you too.  And we all know he can’t keep quiet about anything.”  Zayn laughed, knowing exactly what Louis meant.  “right yeah, well, yeah.  So no, not a general question.  Lou I think my brain’s going to burst from thinking too much.  We um…. we took things a bit further a few days ago…. at Li’s place” he finished quietly.

Louis ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled slowly.  He knew how Zayn felt.  Eighteen months ago, on tour somewhere in South America, he and Harry had turned their playful games into something much more physical, and Louis felt like he’d been hit by a truck when it dawned on him that he was falling for his band mate. 

They’d kept things very quiet for a long time, both before he made the decision to leave Eleanor and afterwards.   Zayn, Niall and Liam had suspected that something was happening, but Harry and Louis kept their feelings to themselves until the collateral damage had subsided. 

Louis knew he had to give Zayn sensible advice without telling him what to do.  He looked up and saw Liam waving at them through the window, his eyes searching through the glass to make contact with Zayn.  Lou waved back and saw Zayn duck his head, murmuring “oh Lou, I’m fucked.”

“Zayn, you’ve got two questions you need to answer for yourself.  They’re the same two I had, and they need to be done one at a time, without letting them impact each other.”  Zayn nodded as Louis got up and moved towards the door.

“The first is do you want to be with Perrie.  And only after you’ve answered that, the second is do you have feelings for Liam.  Zaynie, don’t keep her hanging on if you’re falling for somebody else; especially not if that person is Liam.  That’s the only advice I can give you.  But I can listen always, and Haz and I are here to catch you, whatever happens.  We’ve been there, we lived it.”

“Please don’t tell Leeyum, Lou” Zayn whispered as they walked into the studio.

“You have my word.”

\--o--

 

Zayn fussed about in the kitchen while he waited for Perrie to arrive.  She never arrived on time anywhere and normally he didn’t care, because he was barely ever on time himself, but he just wanted tonight over and done with and the sooner that happened, the better. 

The front door clicked and he could hear the clip of her heels as she made her way down the corridor.  “Sorry I’m late babe, I don’t know where this afternoon disappeared to Zaynie!”  Dropping her keys and purse on the table, she put her arms around Zayn and kissed him slowly.  “mmmmmmmmmm, you taste like curry.  Have you been cooking?” She asked, not letting him get a word in.

“I have, one of dad’s old recipes he wrote down for me.  Pez listen, I need to… I have to ask you something.”

“Is this about us goin’ on a holiday?  Because I know you said you’re too busy with rehearsing and the recording, but just a few days Zaynie would be so nice.  Somewhere warm, just us.”

“No, Pez, it’s not about the holiday.  Perrie, do you love me?”

She looked at Zayn as she clutched at the hem of his shirt.  “What?  Zaynie, you know I do.  So much.”  Concern flashed across her eyes.  “Why do you ask that?  What’s going on Zayn, you’ve been a different man these past few weeks.”  Quietly she added, “This about Liam?”

He nodded, sliding down the kitchen bench until he sat on the cool tiles.  “Pez, something’s changed.  I still love you, but something’s changed.”

“What has?”  She asked, her voice rising dangerously high. Hands on her hips, she continued “Zayn Malik, you need to tell me what’s changed.”

“I.  We.  Dunno Pez.”

“No!  Not “dunno.”  You and Liam what?”

“Think I have feelings for him.” Zayn mumbled, lips barely moving, eyes fixed to the floor.

“For Liam…for Liam Payne.  So Soph was right! You…..” Her voice trailed off as she began to cry. 

“NO.  Perrie no, we weren’t having an affair.  But yes, after Sophia broke it off with Liam, we both….. we realised maybe she was onto something.”

“So we’re done?”  She asked, gathering her things. 

He nodded slowly.  “I’m a mess Pez.  I need to sort things out and I don’t want to hurt you even more while I do that.  I still love you, but I’m not sure I’m _in_ love with you anymore. “

“Fuck you Zayn.  Fuck you and your boyfriend and this whole fucking mess.”

She walked away, leaving her key on the bench.  Zayn stayed glued to the kitchen floor for an hour before he had the strength to get up. 

He’d answered the first question. 

\--o--

 

_N: Have you and Haz got a copy of today’s paper?  We’ve got a situation lads._

Louis walked out of the bedroom and saw Harry pouring over pages 2 and 3 of the paper.  Peering over his shoulder, he could see out of context photos of Liam and Zayn from shows and appearances, looking like a couple.  On the opposite page was a photo of Sophia and Perrie, the headline screaming OUR EX-BOYFRIENDS ARE NOW BOYFRIENDS!

“Fucccccccck” Louis whistled, picking up his phone to reply to Niall.    

_L: Fuck, just saw it then.  You heard from the lads?  What are we going to do?_

Harry shook his head as he read parts of the tell-all article out to Louis.  “Edwards and Smith have both been dumped by their One Direction beaus, with Zayn Malik and Liam Payne reportedly in a secret relationship with each other for as long as a year.”

“Oh come on!” Louis exclaimed.  “This is bullshit.” 

Harry continued. “The girls were unaware of the extent of the infidelity.  Edwards remarked “we just assumed they were mates.  I never thought Zayn would be the unfaithful type.  Turns out I was wrong.”  A spokesperson for One Direction declined an offer for comment.”

Louis snatched the paper from Harry and threw it in the bin.  “Nup, we’re not playing this game.  C’mon Harold, get dressed.  We’re going to help our boys.”

\--o--

 

Liam’s phone buzzed so many times it fell off the dresser where he’d left it before he went to sleep.  When he woke, he could see it glowing on the floor, text messages, twitter mentions, DMs and phone calls lighting up the room.  He rolled over and leant down, dragging the charger cord towards the bed so he could get the phone without getting up.

“Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah” he said to himself as he scrolled through the notifications and clicked on a link to the article.  He had texts from all the boys except Zayn and he wondered if he was awake, or if he’d even seen it at all.  It was early, but he dialled anyway.  Zayn picked up immediately.

“Liam I swear to god, I didn’t think she’d go crazy like this.”  Zayn said as soon as he picked up the phone.

“What the fuck Malik.  Did you break up with her?”

“mmmmmmmmmmm yes. Needed to.  But I didn’t think this would happen.  I’m gonna get out of town for a while.”

“Woah woah woah, wait.  No.  You can’t.”

“Can’t deal with this Leeyum.  We just got outed and we don’t even know what we are yet.  Have to go.”

The line went dead and Liam threw his phone against the wall.  He was terrified for what happened next. 

\--o--

 

The first Zayn knew of the article was when his mum called him.  She never called and he picked up straight away, scared of what news must be so important to make her ring.

“Oh Zayn, why didn’t you tell us about this?  We would have understood…. We love Liam, Zaynie, we could have supported you.” 

He was completely baffled by what she was talking about.  “Mum, what are you on about?  What’s going on?”

“The paper Zayn.  Perrie’s in the paper.” 

He promised his mum there was nothing going on and that’d he’d call her as soon as he’d found out what was happening and had sorted it out.  He was scrolling through the article on his phone when Liam rang.    This wasn’t the way he wanted Liam to find out about Perrie. Fuck, Perrie.  He was so angry at her. 

As he spoke to Liam, he realised he couldn’t stay in London any longer.  He was being suffocated by this city, by his life.  He could hear how devastated Liam was by everything, but he was incapable of doing anything but getting in the car and going as far away as he could.  Alone. 

\--o--

 

Four days later Niall slid into the front seat of the car next to the driver and turned around to talk to Louis and Harry as they sped off.  “Lads, tell me exactly what we’re going to be able to do to help?”  Harry shrugged his shoulders as Louis replied “We’re going to stick together and help the two of them get through this.  Nialler you remember what I was like after Eleanor; I was a mess, and my relationship wasn’t splashed across every newspaper in the world!”

“Do we know where Zayn’s gone?” Harry asked as they waited at the back of Liam’s house so he could get in the car without being photographed by the cameras camped out the front.  “He’s gone down the beach – figured nobody would think he’d go down there” Niall answered, as the back door of the car opened and Liam climbed in, throwing his overnight bag in the back.

“He’s not going to want to see us lads.  ‘Specially not me.”  Liam looked at his phone for the thousandth time since Zayn had hung up on him, but there was no message.

“Well you know what Li?” Louis piped up “I don’t care.  I promised him we’d catch him whatever happened, and that’s what we’re doing.  And Leeyum, he’s going to want to see you because…”

“Because what?”  Liam’s eyes darkened.

“’Cos he loves you Li” Niall finished, Harry nodding in agreement.  “We’ve known it for years.”  Liam shook his head.  “None of you know that for sure.  C’mon, let’s get to the beach.”

\--o--

 

There were no cars on the road and not a person to be seen as the boys pulled into the driveway of the beach house Zayn had borrowed from one of their management team.  “God” Niall said as Harry knocked on the door “I can see why he wanted to come down here.  So quiet!  No people….so Zayn!”  Louis rolled his eyes as the door opened, surprised by how wrung out and tired Zayn looked. 

“How’d you find me?”  He asked as the boys piled in carrying boxes of food and drink.  “Nothing’s a secret with us Z, and Lou made you a promise that we’re all keeping” Harry replied, throwing his arms around Zayn’s back and hugging him tight from behind.

Zayn ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Liam, who was still standing just inside the door.  “I’m sorry Li.”  Liam shook his head.  “No.  No sorry. Not your fault.”  Louis pushed Harry and Niall towards the outside deck and left the two of them alone in the hallway.  Liam reached out and pulled Zayn close to him, cupping his face in his hands and kissing him gently.  He felt hot tears pouring from Zayn’s eyes as he kissed him back.

“Oh Zayn, it’s going to be alright.  Look, the lads are here, they’re ok, we’re ok, and it’s all going to be alright.”  Zayn nodded, pressing his forehead to Liam’s just as they’d done a million times before. “I’m so sorry Li.”  Pursing his lips and shaking his head, Liam brushed the hair from Zayn’s eyes and thumbed over his lip.  “Let’s go out there and relax for a while with the lads…. And then if it’s ok with you, I want to stay with you tonight.”  Zayn nodded, and for a brief second the worry in his eyes was replaced with a mischievous glint that made Liam want to throw the others out of the house immediately.

“You two are still coming back to London right? This party is still happening you know.” Harry chirped as Zayn and Liam walked out onto the deck.  “Ugh Haz, do you really think that’s a good idea, us comin’ and stealing your thunder?” Liam asked as Niall handed him a beer and the bowl of potato chips.  “Yes!  For god’s sake lads, you’re our brothers and we love you and you’re coming.  Also, it’s going to be far too amazing for you not to attend” 

Louis sat quietly.  He knew the fear and the worry that Liam and Zayn would be facing right now.  Harry just couldn’t understand in the same way.  He’d never questioned how he felt about anything; when he met Louis he fell in love straight away and he just waited until Louis felt the same.  “Lads, I know you haven’t had time to think or to talk, but are you thinkin’ about coming out as a couple officially?” 

Zayn shook his head straight away.  “I can’t.  I mean, we can’t, can we?”  Liam shrugged.  He hadn’t thought about it; all he could think about was spending days on end with Zayn alone, he didn’t want to share him with the world just yet. 

“You and Harry did things so perfectly” Liam said finally, “I think if we were to announce things to the world, we’d do it the same way.  Take it slow, pick a sensible place to announce it, be careful about things.  But for now….” He looked over at Zayn who had his head on Niall’s shoulder, “I think I want to keep it just us…. Just while we work out what this is.”   

Zayn nodded.  “I don’t want to be in the fookin’ newspaper ever again.”  The boys laughed, knowing that was 100% impossible. 

\--o--

 

“And so you’re definitely coming back then?”  “Yes Haz” Zayn said for the thousandth time as they walked down the driveway, “we’re definitely coming.  We’ll spend a few days up here, then come back to London, find something to wear and be at the house in time to help with the set up.” “Harold will you relax?  Leave them in peace!”  Louis scolded, grabbing Liam and Zayn into a warm hug. 

“Have fun.  Be brave.  It’s going to be weird for you both, but amazing.”  Liam and Zayn hugged him tight, grateful for his kindness.  Niall and Harry hung out of the open window in the car.  “Bye lovebirds!” Niall crooned “Make sure you come up for air sometime huh?!”

The car sped off as soon as Louis jumped in.  They were finally alone.  Together. 

\--o--

 

“Now what?” Liam asked as they put the last of the bottles in the rubbish and closed the doors to stop the cool ocean breeze blowing in. 

“Now we can play guilt free” Zayn replied, taking Liam by the hand and leading him upstairs.  The mezzanine had sweeping views of the sea from every window and a king size bed in the middle of the room.  “Oh Zayn.  It’s amazing up here.” Liam said, wandering to the window to drink in the view. 

Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam’s back and tucked his chin onto his shoulder.  “Sure you want to be looking at that view?”  Liam laughed, his whole body relaxing as he turned around and draped his arms over Zayn’s shoulders.  “No.  You’re the only thing I want to look at.  God, Zayn, how did we get here?”  “Dunno” Zayn replied, looping his fingers through Liam’s belt to pull him closer, “but I can’t wait anymore.”

He pressed his lips to Liam’s just as he had in the dressing room that first time and every time after that, but this felt different.  They were both free to be themselves, no restraint, no guilt, just Zayn and Liam.  Liam thrust his tongue into Zayn’s mouth, hot and hungry for more.  He turned Zayn around and pushed him towards the bed, lifting his t-shirt over his head as he followed. 

“Oh Li” Zayn breathed as he looked Liam over; his broad tanned chest and dark nipples were covered in coarse hair and Zayn reached up from where he was sitting to touch him.  Liam laid his hands on the bed on either side of Zayn, put his knee between his legs and pushed him back with his lips, kissing him hard and rough as he dropped onto Zayn’s chest.  His biceps bulged as he held his own weight, tongue slipping into Zayn’s mouth as a tiny moan escaped his lips. 

Zayn used all his strength to pull Liam down on top of him, then roll him over and straddle him, taking his shirt off as Liam sat underneath him.  Slowly he lowered himself down so their chests were touching; the feeling of his hot smooth skin was almost too much to take.  Liam brushed his fingers ever so lightly up and down Zayn’s spine as he sucked Liam’s earlobe.  He knew he had Liam exactly where he wanted when the fingers on his spine started to claw into his back.  Zayn smirked and kissed him slowly down his neck, and over his chest, tongue swirling over his nipples before he gently bit down.

“Fucccccck” Liam breathed, low and husky as he grabbed as Zayn’s back.  Zayn glanced up and caught his eye.  “I owe you from the night in your flat.”

He traced his fingers down Liam’s chest, his index finger running along the trail of hair leading to his jeans, still belted around his waist.  Sliding himself down the bed, Zayn unbuckled Liam’s belt, his eyes watching his face the whole time.  Flicking the button on his jeans, Liam’s hips arched as Zayn slid his jeans off, his cock bulging through the fabric of his pants.

He ran light kisses down his chest as Liam’s fingers curled into his hair.  Stopping when he reached the elastic around his hips, Zayn dragged his fingers along the muscles making the perfect ‘V’ that every man aimed for when he hit the gym.   He dropped his head to Liam’s hips and sucked hard, knowing he’d leave him bruised.  Feeling Liam’s hips grind beneath his lips, he looked up to see him biting his lip, hands curled into the comforter. 

“Y’kay Leeyum?”  “mmmmmmmmmmmm Zayn please.  Touch me please”

Liam wriggled out of his briefs, letting Zayn see him for the first time.  Every time they’d fooled around in the past he’d had his hands in Liam’s pants, but here, now, Zayn was turned on by what he saw in front of him.  Liam was thick and perfectly pink, his tip wet with precome that Zayn wanted to deal with immediately.  He held Liam’s hips gently in his hands as he ran his tongue over his cock.  “Louis was right,” he thought to himself, “this is weird.  Weird, but fucking amazing.”

“Fucccccccccccck” Liam said again as he reached down to put his fingers in Zayn’s hair.  He was quickly running out of words and Zayn was desperate to have more of him.  He moved himself into a better position between Liam’s legs and took all of him in his mouth, the salty sweat taste hitting his lips and turning him on.  He dragged his teeth gently over Liam’s length and heard him hiss as he clawed one hand into Zayn’s shoulder, the other pulling his hair. 

Zayn sucked hard as Liam’s hips began to buck and roll, pushing himself further and further in to Zayn’s mouth.  He dug his fingers hard into Liam’s hips and pulled him in, his nose brushing at Liam’s hair as he felt Liam slip down his throat.  “Zayn I’m gonna come so hard” Liam warned him, before he arched high and released, collapsing almost immediately as Zayn swallowed.   

“Where the fuck did you learn to do that, Malik?” Liam asked, rubbing his hands over his face as Zayn crawled back up the bed and lay next to him.  “Oh you know, life on the road’s taught me a few tricks.” Zayn replied with a smirk on his face as he untied the string holding his sweats up, lifted his hips and pulled them and his boxers down.

“Oh has it now?” Liam asked, rolling over to his side and stroking Zayn’s cock, hard and almost flat against his stomach.  “Uh huh” Zayn replied, taking Liam’s hand and putting it back next to his side.  “Don’t touch, just watch.”

Biting his lip in the way that sent Liam crazy, Zayn put one hand behind himself on the headboard and took his cock in his hand.  He watched Liam watching him as he pulled himself, hips rolling as he curled his hand into a fist and pumped.  “Zayn let me touch you, Jesus!” Liam moaned as Zayn slowly fucked his own hand. “I said…. watch….. Leeyum.”  He was done, a total mess all over his stomach and his fingers. 

“You’re filthy!” Liam exclaimed as he came back from the bathroom with a wet cloth to clean Zayn up. “In all the ways too” he added.  Zayn grinned lazily, too tired to get up, “you bring it out of me Leeyum.  Can’t help myself…don’t want to either.”  Liam threw the cloth in the direction of the bathroom and slid under the sheets.  “Oh you just helped yourself alright and it was the hottest thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

Zayn rolled over just enough for Liam to pull the sheet down so he could slip into the bed.  Curling up and pulling Liam over his back, he whispered, “there’s plenty where that came from.”  Liam was happy being the big spoon.  He was happy being wherever Zayn was. 

\--o--

 

The bed was cold when Zayn woke the next morning.  He rolled over and reached across, but Liam wasn’t there; the house was silent.  “Leeyum?” he called, pulling his pants on from where he’d thrown them on the floor the night before, but there was no answer.  Zayn felt his heart sink to the bottom of his chest.  He’d gone; no message, no note, no nothing. 

Zayn sat on the deck and let the morning sun sink into his bare skin; strong black coffee in his hand, cigarettes on the table beside him.  He felt like he was in a daze, as if last night had been a dream.  He thought…. he just thought Liam was as ready as he was to try being together.  Hell, he’d left Perrie because of the feelings he had for him and after just one night he’d scared him off. 

The ocean crashed and rolled in front of him, the high tide making for perfect conditions for the brave souls braving the cool morning water temperatures.  Families set up on the sand and the sound of laughter wafted up to where he was sitting, but Zayn felt like a stone had settled in his stomach.  He’d come up to the house to be alone, and now being alone was the very last thing he wanted.

As he lit up another cigarette, a very wet, very shirtless Liam Payne straggled up the sand and onto the desk, dripping everywhere.  “I forgot to take a towel” he said sheepishly, water beading across his chest 

Zayn’s whole body relaxed as the adrenaline spike left his system.  “I thought you’d gone” he whispered, dropping his head into his hand as it rested on the table.

\--o--

 

Liam had seen Zayn sleep a million times before.  On the tour bus, in dressing rooms waiting for interviews, even backstage before shows a few times; but never had he seen him asleep in his arms, and that morning when the sun came up, Liam knew he was home.  He never wanted to wake up looking at anybody else ever again.  Gently he combed his fingers through Zayn’s hair, messy and tangled on the pillow and kissed him lightly on the forehead. He knew Zayn would sleep for hours, so he quietly crept out of bed and pulled on his board shorts.

The sand was cold under his feet, but the water was calling his name.  Even without his surfboard, he was desperate to get in amongst the waves.  The ocean was the place where he felt the most private and though the water was freezing as he waded in, he dived under, washing away the last of his stress and worry.

“It’s all going to work out.” Liam thought to himself as he body surfed over the waves, water pounding his chest and covering his head.  After half an hour, he pulled himself out and walked towards the house, wet and shivering without a towel.  On the deck he could see Zayn, coffee in hand, shirtless in the morning sun and he couldn’t believe how happy he felt inside.  It had never been like this with anybody else.

“I forgot to take a towel” he said, looking at Zayn as he walked up the steps.  As he stood there, Zayn dropped his head to his hand, his whole body drooping.  “I thought you’d gone” he whispered.  Liam realised he’d gone without leaving a note and that Zayn had panicked.

“Oh Zayn.  I…. I’m not going anywhere.  I thought you’d be asleep for hours babe, so I just went for a swim.”  Zayn kept his head resting on his hand, but nodded gently.  Liam crouched down and put his head next to Zayn’s, wet hair dripping down Zayn’s arm.  “I’m not going anywhere.  Do you honestly think I could leave after such an amazing night?”

Zayn looked up and kissed Liam.  His lips tasted like the sea.  “You’re wet.  Let’s get you inside.”  

They made it as far as the lounge room.

\--o--

 

Liam was wrung out from the ocean; he needed food and coffee before he did anything.  As he bit into the apple he found in the bowl on the counter, Zayn threw a clean beach towel at him and wandered towards the sofa.  “Will you get over here Payne?”  He looked over to where Zayn was sitting, sweats slung so low around his waist that the black heart tattoo over his hip was exposed. 

“But what about coffee?” Liam murmured as he dried his chest, put the towel on the lounge so he wouldn’t make it wet and sat down.  Zayn smirked as he climbed on Liam’s lap.  “I give you one minute before you forget all about coffee.”  He bent down and kissed Liam’s collarbones, grinding his hips into Liam as he sucked gently.   “mmmmmmmm no coffee.” Liam said immediately, pulling tighter into him, hips rising to meet Zayn’s.

“Li…..?” Zayn’s voice trailed off as he ran his fingers through Liam’s hair and touched his face softly.  “mmmmmm?” Liam replied, pressing his lips against Zayn’s.  “Nup, don’t worry” Zayn finished, kissing him back.  Liam brushed his nose against Zayn’s.  “What, Zaynie?  You can tell me.  You can tell me anything” 

Zayn’s face flushed red “I can’t!  Liam looked at him and smiled.  “Yes, you can and you know it.”  Zayn ducked his head and whispered into Liam’s ear, too ashamed to look him in the eye.  Liam listened carefully, took his hands from Zayn’s hips and held them tight against his cheeks.  “I want that so bad, but are you sure?  It’s a big step.”  Zayn nodded.  “I want you inside me Leeyum” he whispered.  Liam kissed Zayn tight, his fingers curling through his hair to press their faces closer together.  “I actually came prepared Z,” he breathed “just in case, y’know.”

Liam slipped out from underneath Zayn and went to the bedroom.  Returning with everything they needed, he set a strip of condoms and an unopened bottle of lube on the coffee table and sat down, pulling Zayn onto his lap.  “I don’t know how we do this!” Liam whispered as Zayn wrapped his arms around his neck.  “You know what Lou said, Leeyum.  Be brave!” Liam laughed as he untied Zayn’s sweats “Did you have to bring up Lou?  What a mood killer!”

Zayn stood up and kicked his pants away, leaving Liam free to look him up and down, his perfect skin making Liam stiffen immediately.  “Zayn,” Liam breathed, “you’re perfect.” Zayn laughed, pulling Liam’s shorts down as he sat back on top of him.  “I’m really not Leeyum, but I am really into you.”  Zayn kissed him, his hands clawing into his hair.   Liam arched his hips at the feeling of Zayn’s tongue thrusting into his mouth and he shuddered as Zayn bit down on his bottom lip.

He reached down and put his hand between Zayn’s legs, pushing him up onto his knees.  Zayn watched him intently as he licked his finger and pushed it gently into him, working so softly to make sure wasn’t hurting him.  Zayn winced and Liam pulled out immediately, kissing him gently.  “Did I hurt you baby?”  “No” Zayn replied, obviously lying.  He leaned over, grabbed the bottle from the table and covered Liam’s fingers.  “Try again,” Zayn whispered in his ear, “please Li, touch me”

Liam’s fingers were slick and he slid into Zayn easily. Zayn hissed, his fingers clawing into Liam’s shoulders.  “OK?” Liam whispered “More, Li.  More.” Zayn replied, putting his fingers into Liam’s mouth.   Liam sucked Zayn’s fingers as he put two of his own into Zayn, pushing further inside.  He could feel Zayn’s cock, hard and moist against his own as he writhed on the seat.  He was going to come before he had Zayn if he wasn’t careful.

“Are you ready?” he whispered, removing his fingers and rolling a condom over his cock.  Even his own touch was pushing him close to the edge and he wondered how long he was going to last inside.  Zayn didn’t say a word, but kissed him, hair falling over his face and tickling Liam’s nose.  He put one hand around his cock and other on Zayn’s hip and guided him into place. 

He could feel how tight Zayn was and he watched his face carefully as he sat him down.  Zayn bit his lip and kept perfectly still until he’d bottomed out onto Liam, exhaling slowly.  “Stay there” Zayn murmured, “let me feel you.”  Liam put his other hand on Zayn’s hip and kissed him. “You feel so good babe, I’m not going to last long.”

Gradually, Zayn began to circle his hips.  He moaned quietly and Liam could tell he wasn’t comfortable, but he wouldn’t stop.  Liam thrust into him and as he brushed Zayn’s prostate for the first time, he watched as Zayn’s face changed like nothing Liam had ever seen before.  “Oh Liam, fuck, I’m gonna come.”  That was it for Liam and he thrust once more into Zayn before he came himself, white spots appearing before his eyes as he felt Zayn unload onto his stomach. 

He was still inside of him when Zayn dropped his head onto Liam’s shoulder, panting into Liam’s ear. Gently, using all the strength he had, he lifted Zayn off him, feeling him flinch as he withdrew.   Zayn unhooked his legs from Liam’s hips and moved to lie across his lap, head resting on his thighs.  Liam brushed the hair which had stuck to Zayn’s face.  “Are you alright Zayn?  Did I hurt you babe?”  Liam could feel him shake his head. “I got nothin’ Leeyum.  That was not what I expected, but incredible.”

Liam laughed as he stretched his arms above his head.  “Yeah it was.  I can’t wait to do it again.”

\--o--

 

They spent the next few days in heaven.  Nobody knew where they were, so the only contact they had with the outside world was with their families and with the lads, mainly with Lou, who fussed like a mother hen to make sure they were alright and looking after each other. 

In the mornings, Liam would come back from the beach to find Zayn waiting for him, fresh out of the shower, making breakfast.  They settled into a routine very quickly, food, sleep, sex, barely leaving each other’s side.  On the day before they were due to head back to the city, they curled up together on the couch as the weather turned nasty; a storm rolling in over the ocean.

“Do we have to go back?” Zayn asked, pulling a cream blanket off the lounge and wrapping it around his shoulders.  As he lay on Liam’s lap, Liam’s fingers immediately tangled in his hair and he sighed gently.  Zayn felt so relaxed; he couldn’t imagine going back to their crazy life when they couldn’t spend six hours in bed during the daytime and wander around the house naked without worrying about paparazzi photographing them through the window.

Liam brushed Zayn’s lips gently with his index finger.  “Zee, what happens when we _do_ go home?  Are we…. are we a couple?”  Zayn answered immediately.  “Yeah, we are.”  Liam said nothing and Zayn flicked his hands away as he sat up and faced him.  “We are, yeah? ….. Leeyum?”

“Yes?  ….No?  Zee, I don’t know.  Things are so perfect here, but this isn’t the real world.  What are we going to do, come out as the second couple in the band?  Have everyone follow our lives intimately?  I don’t know if I want that.”

“You mean you don’t know if you want me.”

Liam shook his head violently as he put his hands on Zayn’s shoulders.  “No, Zayn that’s not what I mean at all.  You’ve gotta believe me.  I just don’t know how I want to deal with this in our real life.”

Zayn didn’t want to freak out, but he could feel the panic rising up from his heart, making his face flush and his fingers tingle.  He mumbled, scared of what Liam was going to say to him. “What does this mean Li?   I don’t know what you want.”

Liam grabbed his face and kissed him.  He could see he was upsetting Zayn and that was too much to bear.  “Can we just go home separately and spend a few days apart?  I think I just need to calm down on my own.”

There was nothing Zayn could say.  He nodded, eyes dropping to the floor as Liam put his arms around him. “I’m just scared Zaynie.” he whispered.  “Jus’ need to sort myself out.”

\--o--

 

Two cars arrived in the driveway the next morning to pick them up and take them back to London.  “Hey,” Liam said as they stood in the driveway, “jus’ a few days, okay?  Jus’ give me a few days and I’ll know how to deal with everything.”  Zayn touched his cheek gently.  “mmmmmmmmm’kay.  I’ll see you at the party” he mumbled, jumping in the car before Liam could reply. 

Liam watched him go, the tyres of the car crunching on the long gravel driveway.  The second he’d gone, he knew he’d made a mistake.  What was he thinking, letting Zayn drive away thinking he was considering not wanting to be with him!  He put his bags in the car and climbed into the front seat.  As he watched the beach house get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror, he wondered if he’d just driven away from the best thing that had ever happened to him.

A couple of hours later the driver dropped him off in the basement so he could avoid the cameras camped outside the front of his apartment block.  As he went up in the lift, he sent Zayn a text.

_L: Well this was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had.  Being here alone sucks!  Come over?_

He went inside, unpacked the few things he’d taken away with him and waited.  Nothing is ever as slow as the minutes you spend waiting for a reply to a message and Liam couldn’t find enough things to do to distract himself.

Finally, two hours later, his phone chimed.  But it wasn’t Zayn.

_L: You home Li?  I’ve got nothing to do and a pile of DVDs to watch._

Liam didn’t want to be alone, so Louis’ offer was going to have to do.  When Louis arrived at Liam’s that evening, Liam still hadn’t heard from Zayn.  He didn’t let Louis speak when he opened the front door.  “Lou, I’ve fucked up big time.  Big time.”

“Well hello to you too Leeyum.” Louis replied, pushing inside before the cameras could get too many photos.  “You haven’t fucked up, but you are a right idiot.  He’s at my house with Nialler and Harry and they’re going out to get drunk.  No, you’re not invited.”

“He hasn’t replied to my text Lou.” Liam admitted as he put a packet of popcorn in the microwave.  Louis shook his head gently.  “Just let him blow off some steam.  He’s terrified you’re going to hurt him…. Li, _are_ you going to hurt him?”  Liam slammed the door of the microwave, the noise startling them both.  “No!  Fuck, Lou, no!  I….”

Louis looked at him, eyes smiling.  “I know Li.  You don’t have you finish that sentence, I know.  But you need to tell him.”

Liam walked around to Louis and gave him a hug.  “Thanks Lou, you’ve been so good to us.”  Putting his arm around his shoulder as they walked to the lounge room, Liam said “Tell me how the party prep is going!”

Louis sat down and laughed.  “Ha! Liam no…. you tell me how your dirty beach house week was!  I want allllllll the details!”

Liam blushed furiously as he gave Louis the highlights package.   Well, an edited version of the highlights package.

\--o--

 

Zayn could see Liam standing in the driveway watching him drive away.  “Fuck this.”  He thought to himself.  “I’m not getting my heart broken over him.”  If Liam was going to walk away from him, he was going to make damn sure he didn’t get hurt in the process.

_Z: I’m goin’ out tonight.  Who’s coming with me?_

_N: Me!  Where are we going?  What are we doing?  Me!_

_Z: Anywhere with vodka.  And dancing._

_L: What’s happened Zaynie?_

Damn Louis.  He could always tell when something was up.

_H: I’m in too!  Why don’t we meet here for food first?_

Zayn’s phone vibrated again in his pocket and when he looked at it, he could see the message was from Liam.  He pushed the phone back into his pants without opening the text. 

He wanted to party.  He wanted to drink and dance and forget that Liam existed, even just for a night.   When Zayn got out of the shower he spent longer than usual fixing his hair in the mirror.  Slipping into a black singlet with low cut sides and black jeans, he knew he looked good, even if he didn’t feel good. 

Niall was already at Harry and Louis’ when he got there and he’d come armed with pizza.  “God it’s nice to see you lads” Zayn sighed as Harry pushed a beer in his hand and Niall filled a plate with his dinner. 

“Where’s Li, Z? Has something happened?” Louis asked immediately.  “Lou!  Give him a chance to relax.” Harry mumbled, mouth full of pizza. 

“s’ok Haz.  He’s at home I guess Lou.  He…. um he wanted some time away from me to think.  He’s not sure he wants to be a couple.”

Harry clenched his fist “that little…. I’ll kill him.”  Louis put his hand over Harry’s fist and kissed his cheek gently.  “You won’t do anything of the sort thanks.  Zaynie, how do you feel about things?”

Zayn drained the beer left in his bottle.  “Um, I think I’m in love with him.”

Harry stood up.  “I’M GOING TO KILL HIM.”  Niall looked up and nodded at Harry.  “I’m gonna help ya.”

Louis took his phone out, sent a quick text and then went searching for his car keys.  “Lads, go out without me.  I’ve got a few things to do.  Harry, calm down a little huh?  And Nialler, don’t rev him up, he doesn’t need any encouragement.  Oh and Harold, do up at least _one_ button on that shirt.”  Louis brushed his lips on Zayn’s forehead and whispered in his ear.  “It’ll be ok Zaynie. Don’t worry.”

\--o--

 

The bar was packed when the boys arrived and it didn’t take long for free drinks to arrive in the area reserved for them.  “We’re goin’ hard lads” Zayn shouted, passing shots to Niall and Harry, “help me forget about Leeyum, please!”

Zayn meant what he said.  He drank more than he ever usually did and when he and Niall and Harry hit the dance floor he could feel himself loosening up.   As he danced, across the room he could see a woman watching him as he moved.  She was gorgeous; not like Perrie and definitely not like Liam, but beautiful – long dark hair framing her face and a tiny red dress barely covering her anything.  Without the boys seeing, he motioned his head towards the balcony door and she nodded.

“I’M JUST GOIN’ OUTSIDE TO SMOKE” Zayn yelled in Niall’s ear as he pushed past him.  Niall slapped him on the back; he was too focused on the girl in the skin tight jeans in front of him to pay much attention. Harry was at the bar being mobbed by a group of fans when he felt his phone buzz against his leg.

_L: Li loves him too Haz.  Don’t let him do anything stupid!_

_H: Yesssssssssss!  I louvyoubaby._

Drunken texting had never been his forte, but Harry sent off the message and went to find Niall and Zayn.  When he got back to where he’d left the two of them, Niall was leaning against the rail, staring outside.

“He moves quick Haz, look at that girl!”

Harry looked outside and saw Zayn with his back up against the window, a woman Harry didn’t recognise pressed up against him.  He watched as Zayn whispered in her ear and pressed his lips to her neck, fingers moving over her back and down her very tiny dress.  She leaned in and kissed him, fingers running through his hair.

“Fuccccccccccccccck Niall.  Fuck!”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed Niall what Louis had sent him.  Niall’s eyes squinted as he read, then widened when he realised what was going on.  “Haz!  What do we do!?  Should we stop him?”  Harry nodded and they pushed through the crowd to get out on the balcony.

It was too late.  When the boys opened the door, Zayn was gone.

\--o--

 

There was no way Niall was wearing a tie to Harry and Louis’ garden party.  He didn’t care how fancy their country house was or how many people were invited, you don’t wear a tie when you want to have a good time.

As he packed his suit and picked up his overnight bag, he wondered about how tonight was going to turn out.   It was the first time he’d be seeing Liam since he and Harry took Zayn to that club and he wasn’t quite sure who knew what about anything. 

On his drive down to the house, he stopped past the florist as instructed and picked up the bunches and bunches of lilacs and white roses that Harry had ordered, filling the backseat and the trunk of his car. 

 _N:_ _My car is giving me hay fever.  You two owe me big time._

_H: Stop being a girl and hurry up and get here!  I need help with the fairy lights_

Louis met him at the foot of the drive and helped him take the flowers inside.  “Is it just me here?” Niall asked, between sneezes.  Louis nodded.  “I told them both just to come and enjoy the party….. they still haven’t seen each other since…. well, you know.”

Niall sat down on a stool in the kitchen.  “Does Liam know what happened?”  Harry came inside with the biggest tangle of fairy lights Niall had ever seen.  “He does, yeah…..”

\--o--

 

Louis left Liam’s just before midnight.  They’d watched four episodes of CSI and talked the whole way through them all.  Louis was convinced that Liam was going to sort things out with Zayn in the morning and Liam was glad to have had the company and to have Louis’ sensible advice about trusting his heart and not being scared.

At 4am Liam’s phone rang, waking him from a dream where Niall and Zayn were Olympic rowers and he was their coach.  It was Zayn.

“Zaynie?” Liam murmured, still half asleep.

“Leeeeeeeeeeeeyum you don’t have to worry!  I’ll be fine”

Liam could hear how drunk Zayn sounded, but it was quiet wherever he was.

“Where are you babe? Want me to pick you up?”

“No, I’m at home.  I have _company._ ”  Zayn answered, in dramatic hushed tones.  Liam sat bolt upright.  “What sort of company? 

“Lady company.  I’ll be alright Leeyum, if you don’t want me, I’ll be alright.”

Liam hung the phone up before Zayn could say any more; he couldn’t deal with what he’d just heard.  It was his fault too he thought to himself, he’d caused it.  He lay down, tears pooling in his eyes as he willed himself to sleep. 

\--o--

 

Louis, Niall and Harry sat on the grass untangling the lights as they ate their lunch.  “I still can’t believe we just lost him in the crowd like that.” Niall mused, holding onto the power plug as Louis twisted strands of lights underneath him.  “You’ve been out with him before when he’s like that Nialler,” Harry consoled him, “we couldn’t do a thing.  He wanted to write himself off, and he did.”

Niall nodded, “yeah I know, but still…what if everything’s ruined?”  “Then they ruined it themselves, Nialler” Louis answered.  “But I don’t think it’ll come to that.  Zayn’s apologised a thousand times over the past few days and Liam loves him.  I have faith.”

“You’re a soft touch, Tomlinson” Harry teased, leaning over to kiss him.

\--o--

When Zayn forced his eyes open, there was a naked woman in his bedroom slipping into a red dress.  He had no idea who she was or where she’d come from.  “y’alright?” he asked, looking under the sheets to confirm he too was naked.

“Yeah, ‘course.  I’ll see myself out.” she replied, strapping her shoes around her ankles.  Zayn felt like he had a freight train thundering through his head and his mouth was as dry as the desert.

“So the papers were right about you hey?”

Zayn could barely keep his eyes open, let alone understand what she was talking about.  “what’s that?”

“Liam.  You said his name over and over in your sleep.”  She shut the door quietly behind her, heels clicking down the hallway as she left his house. 

Fuck. 

Zayn picked up his phone and through bleary eyes checked his call history.  4am drunk dial.  Awesome. 

_Z: Are you awake?  I need to explain._

_L: Nothing to explain.  Should never have let you leave the beach house._

_Z: Li I’m sorry.  Please don’t hate me._

_L: Impossible.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep you for long._

_Z: You have me.  You have me if you still want me._

There was no reply, but Zayn felt too hungover to think about it too much.  When there wasn’t a reply for another three days, he was out of his brain with worry.

\--o--

 

The dress code for the party was ‘Casual Gatsby.’  Zayn had chosen an open necked black shirt, white pants and braces, because despite loving the book, he had no idea what ‘casual Gatsby’ meant.

He understood the minute he arrived at Harry and Louis’ house though.  The whole house was filled with flowers, and out on the lawn there was croquet ready to play and pedestal tables with bowls full of punch. Everywhere he looked there were familiar faces.  All the faces except the one he wanted to see.

“So you had no idea what to wear either hey?”  Niall teased as he appeared at his side, his white suit and pale pink shirt fitting in perfectly amongst the crowd steadily growing on the lawn.  Zayn hugged him without warning, so grateful to have him around.  “Careful now,” Niall chided, “not me too… even if I do look fabulous!”

“You _do_ look fabulous” Harry crooned, balancing two punch glasses on a tray.  Proving he rarely listened to Louis, he had every button on his white shirt undone, the ends tucked into his trousers the only thing keeping it together.  For modesty, he’d looped a long burgundy scarf around and around his chest.  Handing a glass to Zayn, Harry got serious for a moment.  “How are you Zaynie?  Is he here yet?”

Zayn shook his head, but Niall nodded his, pointing to the house, where Liam had just arrived and was helping Louis light rows and rows of tea light candles.  Harry took Zayn by the hand and took him to the bottom of the garden where the sun was setting over the fields behind the house.

“Stay.  I swear to god Malik, if you move a muscle, your days are numbered.”

Harry kissed him lightly on the nose and made his way back to the house. 

Zayn stayed put. 

\--o--

 

No amount of counting sheep could get Liam back to sleep.  He tossed and turned, imagining Zayn in bed with somebody else.  The more he pictured it, the more he realised that he really did love him.  And the more he realised how much he loved him, the more he knew that he’d pushed him away when they were at their most fragile.

Liam was relieved when Zayn texted him, but he didn’t know how to reply when his phone buzzed for the last time.

_Z: You have me.  You have me if you still want me._

You can’t tell somebody you love them in a text message.  It had to wait. 

Over the next three days, Liam pushed his body to the limit, working out every day until his muscles ached and his lungs burned.  The physical exercise exhausted him, making it easier to switch his mind off at night and get some sleep.

Niall and Harry had both rung him to apologise for letting Zayn get so out of control, but he knew it wasn’t their fault.  Liam could hear how guilty they both felt; they couldn’t accept his view that he’d pushed Zayn away just when he should have pulled him close and that he only had himself to blame. 

On the morning of the party, Liam decided he wasn’t going. 

_L: Lads, I’m not feeling well, don’t think I’m going to make it.  Just going to lay low until we leave for Japan next week._

_L: Payne, if you don’t get your arse down here in the next few hours, Harry’s coming up to get you himself.  And you don’t want that – he’s in talk like a pirate mode._

_H: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeyum , I miss you!  Get down here before I make ya walk the plank!_

He laughed for the first time in ages; he was so lucky to have the lads and he didn’t want to miss the party, even if he was terrified to see Zayn.  Terrified and desperate all at the same time.

\--o--

 

The press had arrived outside Louis and Harry’s by the time Liam arrived.  He stepped out of the car, blue checked shirt tucked into chinos, a navy cashmere jumper tied over his shoulders, and the cameras clicked manically. 

“Liam!  Where have you been?!”

“Have you been on a lovers holiday with Zayn?”

“Liam, are you in a relationship with Zayn Malik?”

“Liam!  Liam!  Liam!”

He smiled politely and ducked his head as he moved through the gate and into the privacy of Louis and Harry’s house.  Louis was in the kitchen when he wandered in, eight silver trays covered in hundreds of tiny candles which he was trying to light.  Louis nuzzled his head into Liam’s shoulder.  “I’m glad you’re here Li.  Did you get many questions out the front?”

Liam grabbed a box of matches from the bench and began to help Louis.  “They asked me everything you’d expect them to.” With a smirk on his face, he continued, “…So I told them I was in love with Zayn.”  Louis looked up wide eyed and yelped as the match he was holding burned down to his thumb and forefinger.  “You didn’t!?”  Liam laughed, “no, I didn’t, but that got you going!”

Harry appeared at the door of the kitchen, cheeks rosy and eyes glowing.  “I’m so glad to see you Payne!”  Liam turned and grinned.  “Haz!  You should have less buttons done up, this is a party, man!”  He reached out and drew Harry into a bear hug.  “I’m sorry Liam,” Harry whispered into his ear, “I should have looked after him more closely.”  Liam kissed his curls. “Enough.  Not your fault.”

Stepping back, Harry handed him a tray of flickering candles.  “Take them to the bottom of the garden please, do not pass go, do not collect $200 and do not come back until you have your man.”

\--o--

 

Zayn paced around the bottom of the garden, smoking as he watched the sun set.  As the night grew darker, the fairy lights Harry and Niall had strung up in the trees began to twinkle, making the entire garden look enchanted.  Further up near the house he could see Louis and Harry covering every flat surface with tiny candles and he was jealous with the ease at which they moved in each other’s space. They had it so easy, the way they loved each other unconditionally.

Liam walked carefully down to the bottom of the garden, taking care not to drop any of the lit candles he was carrying onto the grass; he didn’t want to be the reason why Harry and Louis’ garden caught on fire.  Zayn watched him as he walked, face lit from underneath making his eyes dance with the candlelight. 

“Help me with these will you?” Liam asked as he placed the tray onto the pedestal table that Zayn had his cigarettes on. Zayn nodded and they moved about the grass, lighting up the trees and the hedges with tiny light.  When they’d finished, they sat on the oversized bench swing tied to the large oak and Liam pushed with his feet, swinging them gently.

“It didn’t mean anything, Leeyum” Zayn started, breaking the silence.

“I know Zee, but it gave me the wake-up call I needed.”  Liam placed his hand over Zayn’s, squeezing gently.  “I’ve spent this whole week terrified that I was going to lose you, after it took me five years to realise that I love you.”

“You do?” Zayn whispered, eyes locked on the ground as he began to cry.  He bit his lip to stop it from trembling.  “Because…. Leeyum I feel the same way.”  As soon as he’d let the words out of his mouth, he felt liberated and he began to babble.  “Oh Li I was so scared, you never replied to me and I knew you thought I was a terrible cheater and and and I put you on the front page of the paper and then I cheated and then you never replied and…..”

“Stop!  Zayn, stop!”  Liam put his hands on Zayn’s cheeks and kissed him. He kissed him because he loved him and he kissed him because he never wanted to let him go ever again and he kissed him because he didn’t have the words to tell him how he felt. Words weren’t enough anymore.

The party swirled on around them, but they could only see each other.  Liam’s face was wet with Zayn’s tears; tears of relief and happiness washing over him as he kissed his love.  Finally, he could admit it to himself, his love, Zayn, his love.

“C’mon.  Nobody will notice if we disappear.” Liam said, standing up and stretching his hand out to take Zayn’s.  They wove though the party, disappearing into the house and upstairs. 

Three people did notice though, Niall, Louis and Harry sharing a toast as they watched their best friends finally get it together.

\--o—

 

Louis had set the guest rooms up in the hope that things would work out between Zayn and Liam.  Putting Niall at the end of the corridor next to his and Harry’s room, he left the third bedroom at the other end of the house for Zayn and Liam, putting their bags in there when they arrived and instructing Harry to make the room look as beautiful as he did the night he told Louis he loved him.

“He’s such a romantic.” Liam chuckled as he and Zayn roamed the second floor of the house looking for where their stuff was, before finding their bedroom full of the same flowers and candles as were strewn around downstairs.  “He’s been so good to me.” Zayn mused, sitting on the bed and smiling as Liam sat next to him and snuggled into his side.  “He looked after me too.  He just knew we’d be ok I think, as long as he gave us a push.”

Zayn nudged him softly “So, want to show me how much you love me?” “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm not really.” Liam smirked, slipping Zayn’s braces over his shoulders, “maybe we could just have an early night?”  Zayn nodded as he began to unbutton Liam’s shirt. “Great idea, just get tucked up into bed.”

Liam shuddered as Zayn climbed onto his lap and peeled his shirt off his shoulders.  He hugged his thighs tight around Liam’s hips and pressed his lips to his neck, sucking and nibbling until Liam couldn’t stand it anymore.  He tugged on Zayn’s hair, pulling his face to meet his own and thrusting his tongue into his mouth. 

As he kissed him, Liam’s fingers struggled with the buttons on Zayn’s shirt.  Giving up, he pulled at Zayn’s neckline, buttons popping all over the floor as he ripped it apart.  “Alright Li, I liked that shirt!” Zayn growled, as Liam got up, stood in front of Zayn and unbuttoned his chinos, dropping them to the floor as Zayn reached out to touch him.  “No.” Liam ordered, taking control of the situation, “I’m going to suck you and then I’m going to fuck you.  Zaynie I’m going to make you feel so good you’ll never want anybody again.”

“Babe I already never want anybody ever again.” he promised as he watched Liam stroke himself, eyes locked on his cock which was getting harder with every touch.  Zayn wriggled out of his own trousers and touched himself; he was slick on the head and he writhed under his own hand as he pumped.  Liam looked at him, bit his bottom lip, full and pink and shook his head at Zayn.  “I’ll do that baby, stand up.”

As Zayn stood, Liam wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him slowly.  Gradually he moved down Zayn’s torso, covering him with kisses.  He got on his knees and put his arms on the floor behind him, arching his back.  He put his face close to Zayn’s cock and looked up at him.  “You’re in charge babe.  Take it as hard as you want.”

Zayn’s face blissed out as he rubbed his cock against Liam’s lips and felt his tongue gently lick his tip.  He began to fuck Liam’s mouth, the feeling around his cock and the view of Liam taking him while holding himself up with those arms of his making him harder and harder.  Liam made no noise, but Zayn could see him circling his hips, desperate for friction on his own cock but determined to take Zayn without interference.  Liam opened his mouth wide and Zayn grabbed the back of his head as he slammed in hard, once, twice, three times and he was gone.  He staggered back and hit the bed as Liam wiped his lips and got to his feet. 

“Stay right there” Liam said throatily, rummaging in his bag and finding the lube he’d packed before he left the city.  Zayn lay on the bed catching his breath as Liam slicked up his fingers and put them between his thighs, gently circling Zayn's hole before pushing one into him and watching his face for a reaction.  Zayn’s eyes rolled back into his head; he was still spinning after the orgasm he’d had only a minute before and now this…. 

Noise from the party filtered upstairs, but Liam could barely hear anything over his heart, which was thumping like a drum.  “Zee, I want to ride you bare…. that ok?”  Zayn had lost all control of his speech and of his body.  He nodded, grinding his hips against Liam’s fingers, three of them inside him, curling and flicking at his prostate, sending his body into spasm. 

Liam was hard and desperate to take Zayn.  Sliding his fingers out, he grabbed Zayn’s hips and pulled him to the edge of the bed.  He lifted Zayn’s legs and put them on his own shoulders before slipping his cock into him.  Liam could feel Zayn stretch as he pushed in further, but he didn’t care.  He was desperate to have him.  “y’kay babe?” he panted as he watched Zayn’s cock thicken again.  Zayn dropped his mouth open, but no words escaped.  Instead, he dug his heels into Liam’s shoulders and lifted his hips higher, Liam taking it as his cue to slam into Zayn before withdrawing slowly.  He repeated the move over and over, watching Zayn’s cock begin to bead against his stomach.

“I want to watch you come Zayn” Liam growled as he clawed against his hips.  Zayn pushed up against him, only his shoulders on the bed, and began to moan, chewing on his lip as his hands thrashed by his sides.  Liam knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, especially not while he watched Zayn getting off in front of him.  He pulled Zayn's arse tight against him and lifted him up slightly.  The change in angle was too much. Zayn groaned as he came, covering his own stomach, drops flicking up onto his chest.  Liam took one hand from Zayn’s hip and dragged his fingers through the sticky liquid, putting his fingers to his mouth as he unloaded into Zayn, his fingers into Zayn's side as he released.  Slowly, he could feel himself dripping as he withdrew and lay Zayn gently back on the bed.  FInally he collapsed next to him, unable to speak.

The candles in the room had long gone out and the two of them lay in the dark, hearing the party noises disappear as the night grew old.  Zayn crawled up the bed and turned the sheets down.  They slipped under the covers, Liam automatically spooning Zayn as they lay.  “I love you” Liam whispered in his ear, crossing his arm over Zayn’s chest. 

“Not as much as I love you Leeyum.”

\--o—

 

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  These two!”  Niall called from outside as Zayn and Liam came down the stairs the next morning.  The house looked like a bomb had hit it; there were glasses everywhere, the dining room chairs were all on top of the table and somebody must have had a fight with a bunch of flowers, because the lounge room was covered in petals.

“I’m not cleanin’ up.” Zayn mumbled as he headed outside for a cigarette.  “Oh yes you are Malik!” Louis yelled after him, “You two missed the end of our party, and the big news!”

Liam took the plate of raspberry muffins Harry handed to him. “We were….ah….” “Yes we _know_ what you were doing Li, no need to tell us” Harry finished, taking the coffee pot and walking towards the deck where Niall laying out plates and mugs for them all.

Louis was the last to sit down.  “So!” he started, slathering a muffin with butter, “You two sort things?  What are we doing?”  Liam and Zayn hadn’t talked much during the night, but they both knew the answer to Louis’ question.  Liam gripped Zayn’s hand tight.

“Lads, this might be news to you, but I’m in love with Zayn.  And I realise now, I’ve loved him for many years.”

Niall rolled his eyes and threw a piece of muffin at him.  “Li, you understand you’re the last person here to realise that yeah?”

Zayn laughed softly, eyes shining, “I’m the same…feel the same.”

“Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh” Niall groaned, rocking back in his chair.  “Look at you two, you make me sick!  You’re so in love!  With you two and the old married couple to be over there, this tour is going to be the worst!”

“The old what now?” Liam asked, as Zayn smooshed his face into his cheek.

“Married couple to be!” Harry sang.  “That’s the big news!  I asked Lou to marry me last night and he said yes!”

Louis nodded his head “what, you think you two are the only ones to be madly in love?”

Liam jumped up and Zayn began to cry.  Again.  Niall dropped his head on his hands. “Malik, for fuck’s sake, what has got _into_ you!?”

“It’s jus’ so good Nialler.  It’s all worked out properly perfect.”

Liam stood behind Zayn and wrapped his arms around him, kissing the top of his head gently.  He looked at his best friends and couldn’t believe how lucky he was. How lucky they _all_ were. 

“Properly perfect” he repeated.

 


End file.
